Episode 9 - Conspiracy Theories
SAILOR
We all come from distinct cultures, Rebecca. All cultures have value and should be respected, am I right?
SHEPHERD
I understand that sentiment, but what I’m asking is -
SAILOR
Look, if we can’t agree on that basic premise, then how can anyone accuse me, or anyone in United Mankind, of running a hate group?
SHEPHERD
Mr. Sailor, I’m suggesting that the premise you’re advocating is just a front for a white supremacist ideology.
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SAILOR
Those are just unfounded conspiracy theories.
Is there anything wrong with preferring your culture to others? Your culture’s food? Your culture’s people? The real conspiracy is this campaign to erase and rep-
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HOST
So this Black Friday thing, it’s been going on for a while now. Time and again I’ve said that this was just a conspiracy to undermine OUR civilization. It’s obvious if you look at it. It’s just this one thing that affects the white population. I don’t buy this crap that it’s happening all over the world because, well, do you think they’re complaining about Black Friday in the Congo? In Angola? In Zambezia (zam-bee-zya).
I’ve been saying again and again that the liberals and the commies won’t stop until we were all the same shade of beige. They won’t stop until they’ve taken away our God-given right to defend ourselves, our families and our culture! THEY WON’T STOP UNTIL THEY HAVE THEIR FEET ON OUR-
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NARRATOR
Welcome back to Mystery History. Today, over 250,000 people have been affected by the Black Friday phenomenon. It has become a regular part of every day life. Yet its nature is still … a mystery.
(beat)
NARRATOR (cont)
But what if the Black Friday phenomenon is one way an advanced alien civilization is communicating with us? What if they’re testing us - making sure we’ve escaped our past prejudices and are now ready to join a broader galactic community?
And what if I told you that there’s proof that might be living right in your DNA?
And what if I told you that, right now, an elite team of scientists is working on that very theory?
Sounds crazy, right? Well, not according to Daniel von Erikson.
NARRATOR (V.O)
Meet Daniel von Erikson.
DANIEL
I didn’t have a direct path to xeno-archaeology. In many ways, it found me.
NARRATOR (V.O)
Von Erikson is part of a new movement called xeno-archeology. He believes there’s evidence that aliens came to Earth and visited our ancestors. He also believes that he’s found proof.
DANIEL
The proof is all around us if you know what you’re looking for.
NARRATOR
What’s an example?
DANIEL
Well, the pyramids are one example. Mohenjo Daro. Or Machu Picchu. Teotihuacan. Great Zimbabwe. I could keep going.
NARRATOR
Let’s back up a little. How did you get involved in this field? You don’t have any formal archeological or historical training.
DANIEL
Well, it all started when I was a young man. I went to Egypt. See I had fallen in love with this girl and I thought to myself - I know how I’ll impress her. I’ll become a famous Egyptologist! That’s how your mind works when you’re young. You think you can just go somewhere and be something. But when I got there I was completely lost! In over my head! I started working for a jeweler in Cairo who was quite kind to me. He was the one who took me to see the pyramids for the first time.
(beat)
DANIEL (cont)
I had seen them before in my schoolboy textbooks, you know. I never paid them much attention until I had the chance to see them for myself.
NARRATOR (V.O).
What von Erikson saw would forever change his life.
DANIEL
They were … massive. Just … MASSIVE!
(dramatic beat)
The Great Pyramid was the tallest structure in the world until the Eiffel Tower. Think about that! For nearly five thousand years, nothing even came close!
NARRATOR (V.O)
It was then that von Erikson began to entertain a radical theory.
DANIEL
I became obsessed, what can I say?
(beat)
I was obsessed with learning more about these structures and the society that built them. But the more I learned, the more questions I had. How could it be a society barely out of the stone age, without iron tools even, could construct such wonders?
NARRATOR (V.O)
And so began von Erikson’s thirty year journey to discover the mysteries and secrets of ancient Egypt.
MUSIC RISES DRAMATICALLY
NARRATOR
Welcome back to Mystery History.
DANIEL
Over time, it became clear that the ancient Egyptians were very skilled astronomers. If you measure out the alignment of the Great Pyramid, for example, you’ll find that it’s just ten degrees off from true north.
NARRATOR
That’s still ten degrees off though.
DANIEL
Yes, but that’s what’s so fascinating! That deviation allows us to determine when the pyramid would have been constructed.
NARRATOR (V.O)
With sophisticated computer modeling, Egyptologists managed to figure out that these stars - the ancient Egyptians called them The Indestructibles - would have been perfectly aligned with the pyramid around 2480 BC.
DANIEL
That gives us a narrow window of time in which the pyramid was constructed. But now that we’ve figured out when the pyramid was built, we must understand how.
NARRATOR (V.O)
And that’s no easy task. The Great Pyramid alone stands at 455 feet tall. It was made with up to two million granite blocks - the largest of which weigh up to eighty tons. These blocks were carved from a quarry in Aswan five hundred miles away, and were brought to the site for assembly. Once complete, the pyramid was covered in polished white limestone. In daylight, it shone so brightly that it could be seen for miles.
DANIEL
Bright enough to be seen from space!
The mass of the stones alone doesn’t begin to scratch the surface. The Egyptians would have had to level the foundation of the pyramid to make sure it aligned perfectly with the stars. All of this, mind you, without iron tools or advanced equipment. That’s when I landed upon my radical theory.
NARRATOR (V.O)
Von Erikson’s theory is radical. He believes that, if we look at the alignment of the pyramids, their scale, size, and their number in Upper and Lower Egypt, there is only one possible explanation.
DANIEL
The ancient Egyptians used help from beyond our world.
NARRATOR
You mean … aliens? Extraterrestrials?
DANIEL
Yes. It would also help explain the uncanny astronomical alignment of the pyramids. Why would the ancient Egyptians make such a big landmark that reflects so much light? I’d wager that it was a way to guide the Builders that designed the pyramids.
NARRATOR
Builders?
DANIEL
That’s my name for them. It’s all in my book, Palaces of the Gods. The pyramids are just one piece of evidence that our world has been visited by an advanced extra-terrestrial intelligence.
NARRATOR (V.O)
Von Erikson’s theory has drawn a surprising amount of support from academic circles. With some comparing the pyramids to the modern Apollo projects.
IMPRESSIVE ACADEMIC
Well, it’s true that we don’t specifically know how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids. For example, for many years we thought that they used ramps and slaves. But the archeological record suggests that the workers were skilled artisans and engineers, working on what was the ancient Egyptian version of the Apollo program. Fancy that, hm?
NARRATOR
Mr. von Erikson, you’ve suggested that the pyramids aren’t your only evidence.
DANIEL
Yes. In many parts of Africa, we see an immediate transition from stone tools to iron. Unlike in much of Europe and Asia, there was no Bronze Age in much of Africa. No other part of the world had such a massive technological leap in so short a time until the modern era.
NARRATOR
And you suspect that knowledge of iron smelting came from extraterrestrials?
DANIEL
I believe that ancient Africans observed advanced metallurgical methods from these aliens, and applied them to substances in ready abundance. This is how Africans learned to smelt iron from ore, for example.
NARRATOR
What other evidence do you have?
DANIEL
In eastern Africa, there is actual folklore about a space elevator.
NARRATOR (V.O)
A space elevator is exactly what it sounds like. It’s an elevator that starts on Earth, and using a super-strong cable, rises all the way up into orbit. If ever constructed, space elevators would significantly reduce the cost of moving materials into low earth orbit. Von Erikson believes that the Tigania tribe of eastern Africa preserves an ancient memory of such technology.
DANIEL
The Tigania (tea-ga-nya) people believe that they were once held captive by the ‘antu ba nguu ntune’ (ahn-too bah-ngoh ntu-neh) - literally that means those who wear red clothes. To gain their freedom from them, the Tigania had to construct a spear that touched both heaven and earth. African folklore is full of metaphors, and this could be a reference to an alien space elevator that connected sub-Saharan Africa to the stars.
NARRATOR (V.O)
Could Tigania folklore about those who wear red clothes be referring to ancient space suits? Could the spear that touches heaven and earth be referring to a space elevator?
DANIEL
(laughs)
No one really knows. The Tigania are notoriously reclusive, and generally shun foreigners. I would personally love to know more about this space elevator slash spear.
NARRATOR
We’ll be right back with Mystery History.
CUT to TENEBRA commercial
JAMIE
Hi, my name is Jamie. I was affected by the Black Friday phenomenon.
(beat)
I was … scared. I didn’t really know what to do or where to turn. That’s when my doctor suggested Tenebra [Ten-eh-bra]
NARRATOR
Tenebra is a new medication specifically designed to halt and reverse the effects of the Black Friday phenomenon. It targets the specific genes that activate, and returns them to normal.
NARRATOR (cont):
Talk to your doctor before taking Tenebra. Do not take Tenebra if you are nursing, are pregnant, are about to become pregnant, have or been diagnosed with liver disease, kidney disease, or myopic albinitis. Side effects include increased confidence, insomnia, dry mouth a sense that the world owes you success and recognition, and hair loss.
JAMIE
You don’t have to live with a label anymore. Thanks to Tenebra, I could go back to living my life with my friends, my family, and the people who love me.
NARRATOR
Tenebra is a registered trademark of Cadmus Pharmaceuticals.
NARRATOR
Welcome back to Mystery History.
(beat)
Daniel von Erikson has a radical theory. He believes that many of the ancient structures in Africa - from the pyramids of Giza to the stone houses of Great Zimbabwe, to the ruins of Gedi (geh-dee, not djeh-dee) - were constructed with extraterrestrial help. He also believes that at least one African tribe preserves the secrets of this alien contact - maybe even proof of a working space elevator.
(beat)
But what von Erikson has to say next, may be the most surprising thing of all.
DANIEL
I believe that the Black Friday phenomenon is a sign from these Builders.
NARRATOR
What kind of sign?
DANIEL
I’m not sure yet. These Builders probably chose Egypt because it was the most advanced civilization on Earth at the time that they visited. Maybe these Builders left a marker to identify their potential helpers.
NARRATOR
Helpers?
DANIEL
In any first contact scenario, the more advanced civilization must take care not to unduly influence the less advanced one. Spacefaring aliens may well have been gods to the ancients, so the Builders probably selected a handful of locals to help them communicate. They probably did something - maybe genetically engineered them in some way - so that they could talk to the Builders and humans.
NARRATOR
So you think that the Black Friday phenomenon is the re-emergence of that alien genetic engineering. That these people have a connection to extraterrestrials?
DANIEL
Partially, at least. Maybe the genetic marker isn’t working like it was supposed to. After all, it’s been nearly five thousand years. That’s one theory at least.
(beat)
Another theory is that the Builders are coming back, and they’re choosing a new set of go-betweens before they arrive.
NARRATOR
When do you think that they’ll return?
DANIEL
It’s hard to say. A civilization that was highly advanced four thousand years ago could be significantly much more advanced today. I mean, just look at our own civilization.
NARRATOR
What if … what if they - and by they I mean these Builders - aren’t interested in helping us anymore? What if they want to conquer?
DANIEL
(beat)
(laughs)
That’s just pure science fiction. There’s no reason to be paranoid. It’s not like these aliens are going to come down and just take away anyone who has been affected by the Black Friday phenomenon. If an alien species wants to invade Earth, they just need to drop a suitably sized rock from orbit. That’ll do the job.
(beat)
DANIEL (cont)
[uncertain]
I mean ... dark skin is a little more resistant to damage from solar radiation than fair skin. But that advantage is negligible, really.
(beat)
Though, I suppose …
(beat)
I mean … in a ... in a large enough population, that small advantage becomes a big advantage. Imagine you had a workforce, and you could reduce radiation mortality by three percent just by increasing the amount of melanin in their skin. That would be really something.
(beat)
But it’s unlikely that an advanced alien civilization would need humans for labor. They probably have highly advanced A.I., if they’re not A.I.s themselves.
NARRATOR
It still feels like we should be worried.
DANIEL
Our ancestors had very productive contact with these Builders. There’s no reason to think that this would change.
NARRATOR
But what if it’s not them? I mean, what if the Builders are gone and whoever took them out is now coming for us? And what if the Black Friday phenomenon is a harbinger of … I hate to say this … darker things to come?
DANIEL
Well … uhh … we will just have to wait and see, won’t -
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EARTH COMEDIAN
Absolutely not, no! White aliens from outer -
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EARTH RADIO HOST
-wasn’t of this Earth because of the time the pyramids were being made.
EARTH PHYSICIST
So it was Europeans coming to Africa seeing an amazing civilization that they could not imagine an African build. And they must then invoke some other cause that enabled them to build it.
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EARTH COMEDIAN
White aliens from outer space!
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NARRATOR
What do we know about our past? Is it even past? How can our past guide us into the future? Is the Black Friday phenomenon the result of ancient contact with alien civilizations?
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HOST
Pay no mind to these worthless conspiracy theories. They’re just trying to confuse yo-
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NARRATOR
Only time will tell.