Episode 11 - The Opal Book Club

OPAL Theme Song

AUDIENCE applause

OPAL

Welcome to the show everyone! We’ve got an exciting show for you today. We’re talking about the latest book by my friend, the famous author Samantha Moore. But today’s topic is not one of her award-winning romance novels. No, this is a memoir and it’s a special one. What’s it about? Well … you’ll just have to stay tuned to find out. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

OPAL Theme Song

AUDIENCE applause

COMMERCIAL

SAILOR (VO):

I’m Stefan Sailor, and I approve this message.

SAILOR:

Our country is in peril. President Hensley chooses to do nothing as the Black Friday phenomenon ravages the land.  

President Hensley vetoed money that would be spent on serious scientific research into the so-called Black Friday phenomenon. We’ve all had enough of the dysfunction in Washington.  

I won’t rest until we solve this grave issue. Once elected, I’ll stop President Hensley’s unprincipled assault on separation of powers and our American heritage.

What’s more, I’ll go even further. Once I’m President, I’d propose an additional ten billion dollar reparations fund to help those affected by Black Friday. Especially those who suffered unfairly simply because of the color of their skin.

Paid for by the Committee to Elect Stefan Sailor.

OPAL Theme Song

OPAL 

And we’re back. Our guest today really needs no introduction. A world-famous award winning author, she has written a new book about her life and her experience. Please welcome  … Samantha Moore!

OPAL Theme Song

AUDIENCE applause

SAMANTHA

Thanks everyone! And thank you Opal, for having me back on the show.

OPAL

It’s great to have you back. Now for many of you who don’t know, Sam and I actually go way back. We played field hockey together in high school.

SAMANTHA

You played field hockey. I was too scared to get off the bench.

OPAL

Remember what my mom used to say? ‘Back in my day we didn’t HAVE shin guards! You hacked the bone!’ And! I remember you were the first one who asked why there wasn’t a boy’s field hockey team.

SAMANTHA

(louder, to the audience)

Am I right guys? Why don’t men play field hockey?

SAMANTHA and OPAL and AUDIENCE

(laughs)

SAMANTHA

I’m sorry, Opal. Are we live? Is this being taped?

OPAL

Don’t worry about it. We aren’t cutting any of this out. But yes. Welcome! How have you been?

SAMANTHA

I’ve been good. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been seen in public.

OPAL

We’ve all been curious about what happened. Why just drop out of sight for .. what, it’s been nearly a year and a half.

SAMANTHA

It’s a long story and I don’t know if everyone wants to sit through it.

OPAL

You can ask them. Do you all want to hear Sam’s story?

AUDIENCE applause

OPAL (cont).

Sam’s story, coming up right after-

CUT TO

THE NEWSREADER

We’ve had word from America that there is a cure to this Black Friday phenomenon. A way to undo the change

CUT TO

TRAYNOR

Welcome back to Mad Moolah!

TRAYNOR (cont)

Fans of the show know that I’m a huge fan of Cadmus Pharmaceuticals. Their visionary CEO, John Cambyses has a proven track record of delivering groundbreaking drugs including, as you know, Tenebra. The drug that reverses the effects of the Black Friday phenomenon.

(beat)

But now Cadmus is feeling some heat on their wonder drug. Leaked documents from the Hensley administration suggest that Tenebra is not as safe as we once believed.

CUT TO

OPAL

Welcome back. We’re here with my friend, the famous Samantha Moore. Sam was just about to tell us where she’s been for the last year and a half.

SAMANTHA

Yes. Well.

(beat)

It started one Friday morning when I woke up and realized I had completely changed.

OPAL

You mean …

SAMANTHA

Yes.

OPAL

The Black Friday phenomenon?

SAMANTHA

Yes.

OPAL

(beat)

But Sam - you look … normal. I mean, you look like you always have to me.

SAMANTHA

(laughs)

That’s actually what my newest book is about. It’s how I got from that Friday morning back to being regular old me.

OPAL

What’s the name of the book?

SAMANTHA

It’s called ‘Back in Black - Life With Black Friday.’

OPAL

That’s a hell of a title, am I right? Tell me more about that first day. What was it like?

SAMANTHA

It was strange how absolutely normal I felt. I felt like I was exactly the same. I don’t know about you, but you know how you sometimes feel different day to day? Or, you feel different all through the day?

OPAL

Yeah. Like sometimes I wake up and I just feel … you know. Just feel weird. Or sleepy. Or tired.

SAMANTHA

Yeah! The first thing I noticed was that I felt exactly like I did when I went to bed. I don’t exactly know how the Black Friday phenomenon works. I don’t know why it chose me but it did. But I think that it tries, in its own way, to convince you that everything is fine.

OPAL

Tell us about the book. Does it start when you transform?

SAMANTHA

I actually start the day before. You know, that week I’d been finishing up the first draft of a new book. The kids were with their dad until next week, so it was just me and some cookies and milk.

OPAL

Oh, I love me some cookies and milk. It’s better than wine.

SAMANTHA

I know, right? Everyone, I know wine is well-beloved. But warm milk and fresh-baked cookies are better in every conceivable way.

But anyway. I’d actually been watching the presidential debates. It was the vice president, some random fringe guy, and this other guy. For some reason I can’t ever seem to remember his name.

OPAL

Stefan Sailor?

SAMANTHA

Yeah! Him!

OPAL

Do you remember what they were saying?

SAMANTHA

The fringey guy was just going on about how the Black Friday phenomenon is a modern version of the Curse of Ham and-

OPAL

First, we gotta explain the Curse of Ham.

SAMANTHA

Right!

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REV. CALWELL

Today’s reading comes from the Book of Genesis, Chapter 9 verses 20 through 27.

And it came to pass after the flood that Noah planted a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay in his nakedness inside his tent.

And lo, Ham, the father of Canaan saw his father thus and rushed to tell his two brothers, “Behold our father lies naked and drunk in his tent.”

However, Ham’s two brothers Shem and Japheth took a garment, and then they walked in backward into their father’s tent to cover his nakedness.

When Noah awoke from his drunkenness and found what Ham had done, he said

“Cursed be Ham, father of Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he forever be to his brothers.”

Then Noah said:

“Praise the Lord, who blessed Shem. May the children of Ham be the slaves of Shem.

“May the Lord extend Japheth’s lands, and may he live in peace with Shem. May the children of Ham be the slaves of Japheth!”

CUT TO

 SAMANTHA (cont).

But that’s where some folks think black people came from.

OPAL

And it’s also why some people think black people are cursed.

SAMANTHA

Yep. It’s called the Curse of Ham. So anyway. It’s the same kind of racist dog-whistling you usually hear from those fringe types. Demographic change. Judeo-Christian values. Anglo-Saxon way-of-life. Blah blah blah. But he also said something that really stuck with me.

OPAL

What did he say?

SAMANTHA

He said that lots of people believed the same thing as him. And that, if we don’t listen, then they’ll have no choice but to act to protect what he called “our way of life”.

OPAL

Talk like that is gonna get him on some FBI watch-list.

SAMANTHA

He actually said something about that too. He said that people like him have already infiltrated law enforcement, the military, and industry. Everywhere.

OPAL

Ooo. Hail Hydra.

SAMANTHA

I know right! Talk about weirdo paranoid delusions. I got sick of it and just changed the channel. I must have fallen asleep on the couch because when I woke up the next day … I’d transformed.

OPAL

Really quick, we’re going to have to take a break. We’ll be back with Sam right after-

CUT TO

TRAYNOR

There’s a growing body of evidence that Tenebra is linked to severe forms of melanoma and other cancers. In a draft briefing to President Hensley, administration officials lay out evidence that purportedly proves Tenebra should be off the shelves. The evidence includes some recent high profile cancer diagnoses - including a senior aide to presidential candidate Stefan Sailor.

         We reached out to the White House on all this, but they had no comment. But what do you think? We’re going to John the-

CUT TO

OPAL THEME SONG

OPAL

We’re back. And we’re talking with my good friend Samantha Moore about her latest book. We’re still at the beginning aren’t we? Day one.

SAMANTHA

Yeah, so I’d fallen asleep on my couch after watching a bit of the presidential debate and woke up completely transformed.

OPAL

Do you think there’s a correlation between hearing about the Black Friday phenomenon and then transforming?

SAMANTHA

That’s one of the topics we cover in my book.

OPAL

Oh? Really?

SAMANTHA

Well, I won’t get into too much detail here. If you want to find out more, you’ll have to get the book. It comes out on the 17th, wherever books are sold. But yeah, once I changed I immediately called my lawyer.

OPAL

Your lawyer? Why your lawyer?

SAMANTHA

I had to register under the Harris Act, and quarantine for three weeks. It basically nixed a bunch of plans I had. And you know publishers. They’re always on a deadline. If I had broke a contract, I could stand to lose a lot.

OPAL

No kidding. So what did your lawyer say?

SAMANTHA

She said that basically, I was in the clear. She made sure all my contracts had a clause for this eventuality.

OPAL

That’s a smart lawyer. Can I get her number?

SAMANTHA and OPAL

(laughs)

The next thing I did was call my ex-husband and ask him to bring the kids for a FaceTime.

OPAL

That must have been a shock for him.

SAMANTHA

No kidding.

OPAL

How did they take it?

SAMANTHA

Well, he was just dumbfounded. He had a million questions.

OPAL

And the kids?

SAMANTHA

The kids were surprised, but they actually seemed fine with it. And once quarantine ended, they actually didn’t seem to even notice. To them, it was like I got a new haircut.

OPAL

Kids are amazing, aren’t they?

SAMANTHA

Yeah. That was actually ...

(hesitation)

SAMANTHA (cont)

I was really worried about my kids, Opal. Would they recognize me? Would they accept me? I … I didn’t know how they’d react. That was one of those times where I realized that I didn’t care what the world thinks of me, you know? I was just .. you know?

(beat)

I was just focused on my kids and how this would affect them. And they took it really well. Kids, if you’re watching, I love you all so, so much.

AUDIENCE applause

OPAL

But it wasn’t all puppies and rainbows was it?

SAMANTHA

No. I mean, I have to tell you Opal, I was scared. Really scared. Remember this was before we had Tenebra and there was still a lot of panic and confusion about the Black Friday phenomenon.

OPAL

That’s right. Before Tenebra, the Black Friday transformation was essentially permanent.

SAMANTHA

Yes. The first three months after my transformation, I didn’t leave the house at all. I survived on food delivery apps. I mean, I was REALLY scared. Even once my quarantine ended I got my new driver’s license. I didn’t set foot outside my house. It was like I was stuck in a rut.

OPAL

What finally got you out of that rut?

SAMANTHA

(beat)

I think I just got tired of being scared. You know? If this was my life, then it’s time I embraced it.

AUDIENCE applauds

OPAL

That’s really inspiring Sam.

SAMANTHA

But it was baby steps. The first thing I decided to do was just go to the bodega. Where I live we have a bunch of small little shops, you know? They’re cute and usually run by this immigrant family that’s been here for generations. They all know me, and it’s no big deal.

OPAL

Did they recognize you?

SAMANTHA

No! And you know, nobody did. I’m used to walking down the street and having someone stop me for a selfie. None of that. I was just … walking. I went into the store and I was like “Huh. It’s been a while since I felt anonymous.” Though I’m not proud of what I did next.

(laughs).

OPAL

What did you do?

SAMANTHA

I wanted to see if .. you know … I’d get profiled. Black people are always talking about getting profiled, right? So I slipped a pack of gum into my purse.

OPAL

(beat)

You did what?

SAMANTHA

I’m not proud of it! But I wanted  … just to test it. You know? See what would happen.

OPAL

Did you … did you get away with it?

SAMANTHA  

So I went up the counter with my smoothie and a magazine. The guy at the counter looked me over, and just rang me up. He didn’t say anything. I don’t know if he saw me. I don’t know how he could have NOT seen me.

OPAL

Well, we have a surprise for you. He’s here.

SAMANTHA

What? No, you can’t be serious.

OPAL

We found the same guy and he’s in the audience. Aaron, where are you?

AARON

Over here!

OPAL

Can someone get him a mic? Thanks. Stand up Aaron, and everyone, a round of applause for Aaron for coming today.

AARON

Thanks Opal. Hi Sam. She and I know each other. She’s always in my store.

OPAL

Did you recognize her?

AARON

Not even a little. I did see her take the gum, but eh. It wasn’t a big deal.

SAMANTHA

I’m so sorry, Aaron (laughs). I won’t do it again. I hope we can be friends! Though I’d have totally understood if you called the cops on me.

AARON

Most of the people who come to my store know that they can ask me for credit, you know. There’s no need to steal anything if you can’t afford it. There’s a whole credit policy on a poster right next to the counter. Haven’t you seen it?

SAMANTHA

(beat)

I hadn’t seen it. To be honest, I never looked for it.

AARON

 I’ve been in the neighborhood all my life. I know pretty much everyone who comes to my store and they know me. I see a stranger and I giveher the benefit of the doubt. What if she can’t help it? Do I want her to end up at the precinct because she’s got a slight klepto impulse for … chewing gum?

(long beat)

AARON cont.

(laughs nervously)

Everyone’s so quiet. I mean, if I don’t want something stolen, I keep it behind the counter.

(long beat)

It’s fine Sam. It really is.

OPAL

Thanks for coming in Aaron

SAMANTHA

Thanks Aaron.

OPAL

We have to take a break. We’ll be right back with more from Samantha Moore.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

JAMIE

I was … scared. I didn’t really know what to do or where to turn. That’s when my doctor suggested Tenebra.

NARRATOR

Tenebra [Ten-eh-bra] is a new medication specifically designed to halt and reverse the effects of the Black Friday phenomenon. It targets the specific genes that activate, and returns them to normal.Talk to your doctor before taking Tenebra. Do not take Tenebra if-

CUT TO

OPAL

We’re back with Samantha Moore and we’re talking about her new book on living with Black Friday. Is there anything unique you learned from your experience?

SAMANTHA

Well, I don’t want to give away too much from the book. But I came away from this experience with a better appreciation for what it’s like to be black in this country.

OPAL

I see.

In the end, you chose to take Tenebra though. Was living with the change something you considered?

SAMANTHA

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved when Tenebra came out. I mean, nothing bad happened to me for the year or so I lived under Black Friday. But it wasn’t easy. And you’ll see in the book that I had to overcome my own assumptions and other people’s assumptions every day.

OPAL

And you don’t mind being on Tenebra forever? Even with the potential side effects?

SAMANTHA

Yeah. I just … I can’t explain it. If there are side effects, then I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

OPAL

I suppose so, Sam. But even so …

(beat)

I mean, hopefully Tenebra is safe. Or they figure out how to handle the side effects. But wouldn’t it be better to wait and see if it can be improved? Or … I mean, what’s wrong with just living with the phenomenon’s change? Are the risks of Tenebra worth the asking price?

SAMANTHA

(beat)

None of us are going to live forever, and we’re all gonna die sometime, am I right? If folks want to live with the change, that’s up to them. I decided not to. I’m just … offering my experience. The side effects might scare some people but-

OPAL

Cancer is no joke.

SAMANTHA

It definitely isn’t. But that’s a choice each individual has to make for themselves. I made my choice.

OPAL

Thanks for coming in today, Sam.

My friend, Samantha Moore everyone! That’s it for the show today-

CUT

STATIC

STATIC RESOLVES to a past broadcast

NEWSREADER

We’ve had word from America that there is a

cure to this Black Friday phenomenon. A way

to undo the change.

PRODI

I have heard that as well.

NEWSREADER

What are your thoughts?

PRODI

I think it will make the problem much, much

worse.

NEWSREADER

Why do you say that?

PRODI

It’s just a feeling. Something in the

universe changed, and the Black Friday

phenomenon came to be. I think it was meant

to teach us something. This drug from

America may be how we finally learn our

les-