Episode 11 - The Opal Book Club
OPAL Theme Song
AUDIENCE applause
OPAL
Welcome to the show everyone! We’ve got an exciting show for you today. We’re talking about the latest book by my friend, the famous author Samantha Moore. But today’s topic is not one of her award-winning romance novels. No, this is a memoir and it’s a special one. What’s it about? Well … you’ll just have to stay tuned to find out. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
OPAL Theme Song
AUDIENCE applause
COMMERCIAL
SAILOR (VO):
I’m Stefan Sailor, and I approve this message.
SAILOR:
Our country is in peril. President Hensley chooses to do nothing as the Black Friday phenomenon ravages the land.
President Hensley vetoed money that would be spent on serious scientific research into the so-called Black Friday phenomenon. We’ve all had enough of the dysfunction in Washington.
I won’t rest until we solve this grave issue. Once elected, I’ll stop President Hensley’s unprincipled assault on separation of powers and our American heritage.
What’s more, I’ll go even further. Once I’m President, I’d propose an additional ten billion dollar reparations fund to help those affected by Black Friday. Especially those who suffered unfairly simply because of the color of their skin.
Paid for by the Committee to Elect Stefan Sailor.
OPAL Theme Song
OPAL
And we’re back. Our guest today really needs no introduction. A world-famous award winning author, she has written a new book about her life and her experience. Please welcome … Samantha Moore!
OPAL Theme Song
AUDIENCE applause
SAMANTHA
Thanks everyone! And thank you Opal, for having me back on the show.
OPAL
It’s great to have you back. Now for many of you who don’t know, Sam and I actually go way back. We played field hockey together in high school.
SAMANTHA
You played field hockey. I was too scared to get off the bench.
OPAL
Remember what my mom used to say? ‘Back in my day we didn’t HAVE shin guards! You hacked the bone!’ And! I remember you were the first one who asked why there wasn’t a boy’s field hockey team.
SAMANTHA
(louder, to the audience)
Am I right guys? Why don’t men play field hockey?
SAMANTHA and OPAL and AUDIENCE
(laughs)
SAMANTHA
I’m sorry, Opal. Are we live? Is this being taped?
OPAL
Don’t worry about it. We aren’t cutting any of this out. But yes. Welcome! How have you been?
SAMANTHA
I’ve been good. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been seen in public.
OPAL
We’ve all been curious about what happened. Why just drop out of sight for .. what, it’s been nearly a year and a half.
SAMANTHA
It’s a long story and I don’t know if everyone wants to sit through it.
OPAL
You can ask them. Do you all want to hear Sam’s story?
AUDIENCE applause
OPAL (cont).
Sam’s story, coming up right after-
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THE NEWSREADER
We’ve had word from America that there is a cure to this Black Friday phenomenon. A way to undo the change
CUT TO
TRAYNOR
Welcome back to Mad Moolah!
TRAYNOR (cont)
Fans of the show know that I’m a huge fan of Cadmus Pharmaceuticals. Their visionary CEO, John Cambyses has a proven track record of delivering groundbreaking drugs including, as you know, Tenebra. The drug that reverses the effects of the Black Friday phenomenon.
(beat)
But now Cadmus is feeling some heat on their wonder drug. Leaked documents from the Hensley administration suggest that Tenebra is not as safe as we once believed.
CUT TO
OPAL
Welcome back. We’re here with my friend, the famous Samantha Moore. Sam was just about to tell us where she’s been for the last year and a half.
SAMANTHA
Yes. Well.
(beat)
It started one Friday morning when I woke up and realized I had completely changed.
OPAL
You mean …
SAMANTHA
Yes.
OPAL
The Black Friday phenomenon?
SAMANTHA
Yes.
OPAL
(beat)
But Sam - you look … normal. I mean, you look like you always have to me.
SAMANTHA
(laughs)
That’s actually what my newest book is about. It’s how I got from that Friday morning back to being regular old me.
OPAL
What’s the name of the book?
SAMANTHA
It’s called ‘Back in Black - Life With Black Friday.’
OPAL
That’s a hell of a title, am I right? Tell me more about that first day. What was it like?
SAMANTHA
It was strange how absolutely normal I felt. I felt like I was exactly the same. I don’t know about you, but you know how you sometimes feel different day to day? Or, you feel different all through the day?
OPAL
Yeah. Like sometimes I wake up and I just feel … you know. Just feel weird. Or sleepy. Or tired.
SAMANTHA
Yeah! The first thing I noticed was that I felt exactly like I did when I went to bed. I don’t exactly know how the Black Friday phenomenon works. I don’t know why it chose me but it did. But I think that it tries, in its own way, to convince you that everything is fine.
OPAL
Tell us about the book. Does it start when you transform?
SAMANTHA
I actually start the day before. You know, that week I’d been finishing up the first draft of a new book. The kids were with their dad until next week, so it was just me and some cookies and milk.
OPAL
Oh, I love me some cookies and milk. It’s better than wine.
SAMANTHA
I know, right? Everyone, I know wine is well-beloved. But warm milk and fresh-baked cookies are better in every conceivable way.
But anyway. I’d actually been watching the presidential debates. It was the vice president, some random fringe guy, and this other guy. For some reason I can’t ever seem to remember his name.
OPAL
Stefan Sailor?
SAMANTHA
Yeah! Him!
OPAL
Do you remember what they were saying?
SAMANTHA
The fringey guy was just going on about how the Black Friday phenomenon is a modern version of the Curse of Ham and-
OPAL
First, we gotta explain the Curse of Ham.
SAMANTHA
Right!
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REV. CALWELL
Today’s reading comes from the Book of Genesis, Chapter 9 verses 20 through 27.
And it came to pass after the flood that Noah planted a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay in his nakedness inside his tent.
And lo, Ham, the father of Canaan saw his father thus and rushed to tell his two brothers, “Behold our father lies naked and drunk in his tent.”
However, Ham’s two brothers Shem and Japheth took a garment, and then they walked in backward into their father’s tent to cover his nakedness.
When Noah awoke from his drunkenness and found what Ham had done, he said
“Cursed be Ham, father of Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he forever be to his brothers.”
Then Noah said:
“Praise the Lord, who blessed Shem. May the children of Ham be the slaves of Shem.
“May the Lord extend Japheth’s lands, and may he live in peace with Shem. May the children of Ham be the slaves of Japheth!”
CUT TO
SAMANTHA (cont).
But that’s where some folks think black people came from.
OPAL
And it’s also why some people think black people are cursed.
SAMANTHA
Yep. It’s called the Curse of Ham. So anyway. It’s the same kind of racist dog-whistling you usually hear from those fringe types. Demographic change. Judeo-Christian values. Anglo-Saxon way-of-life. Blah blah blah. But he also said something that really stuck with me.
OPAL
What did he say?
SAMANTHA
He said that lots of people believed the same thing as him. And that, if we don’t listen, then they’ll have no choice but to act to protect what he called “our way of life”.
OPAL
Talk like that is gonna get him on some FBI watch-list.
SAMANTHA
He actually said something about that too. He said that people like him have already infiltrated law enforcement, the military, and industry. Everywhere.
OPAL
Ooo. Hail Hydra.
SAMANTHA
I know right! Talk about weirdo paranoid delusions. I got sick of it and just changed the channel. I must have fallen asleep on the couch because when I woke up the next day … I’d transformed.
OPAL
Really quick, we’re going to have to take a break. We’ll be back with Sam right after-
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TRAYNOR
There’s a growing body of evidence that Tenebra is linked to severe forms of melanoma and other cancers. In a draft briefing to President Hensley, administration officials lay out evidence that purportedly proves Tenebra should be off the shelves. The evidence includes some recent high profile cancer diagnoses - including a senior aide to presidential candidate Stefan Sailor.
We reached out to the White House on all this, but they had no comment. But what do you think? We’re going to John the-
CUT TO
OPAL THEME SONG
OPAL
We’re back. And we’re talking with my good friend Samantha Moore about her latest book. We’re still at the beginning aren’t we? Day one.
SAMANTHA
Yeah, so I’d fallen asleep on my couch after watching a bit of the presidential debate and woke up completely transformed.
OPAL
Do you think there’s a correlation between hearing about the Black Friday phenomenon and then transforming?
SAMANTHA
That’s one of the topics we cover in my book.
OPAL
Oh? Really?
SAMANTHA
Well, I won’t get into too much detail here. If you want to find out more, you’ll have to get the book. It comes out on the 17th, wherever books are sold. But yeah, once I changed I immediately called my lawyer.
OPAL
Your lawyer? Why your lawyer?
SAMANTHA
I had to register under the Harris Act, and quarantine for three weeks. It basically nixed a bunch of plans I had. And you know publishers. They’re always on a deadline. If I had broke a contract, I could stand to lose a lot.
OPAL
No kidding. So what did your lawyer say?
SAMANTHA
She said that basically, I was in the clear. She made sure all my contracts had a clause for this eventuality.
OPAL
That’s a smart lawyer. Can I get her number?
SAMANTHA and OPAL
(laughs)
The next thing I did was call my ex-husband and ask him to bring the kids for a FaceTime.
OPAL
That must have been a shock for him.
SAMANTHA
No kidding.
OPAL
How did they take it?
SAMANTHA
Well, he was just dumbfounded. He had a million questions.
OPAL
And the kids?
SAMANTHA
The kids were surprised, but they actually seemed fine with it. And once quarantine ended, they actually didn’t seem to even notice. To them, it was like I got a new haircut.
OPAL
Kids are amazing, aren’t they?
SAMANTHA
Yeah. That was actually ...
(hesitation)
SAMANTHA (cont)
I was really worried about my kids, Opal. Would they recognize me? Would they accept me? I … I didn’t know how they’d react. That was one of those times where I realized that I didn’t care what the world thinks of me, you know? I was just .. you know?
(beat)
I was just focused on my kids and how this would affect them. And they took it really well. Kids, if you’re watching, I love you all so, so much.
AUDIENCE applause
OPAL
But it wasn’t all puppies and rainbows was it?
SAMANTHA
No. I mean, I have to tell you Opal, I was scared. Really scared. Remember this was before we had Tenebra and there was still a lot of panic and confusion about the Black Friday phenomenon.
OPAL
That’s right. Before Tenebra, the Black Friday transformation was essentially permanent.
SAMANTHA
Yes. The first three months after my transformation, I didn’t leave the house at all. I survived on food delivery apps. I mean, I was REALLY scared. Even once my quarantine ended I got my new driver’s license. I didn’t set foot outside my house. It was like I was stuck in a rut.
OPAL
What finally got you out of that rut?
SAMANTHA
(beat)
I think I just got tired of being scared. You know? If this was my life, then it’s time I embraced it.
AUDIENCE applauds
OPAL
That’s really inspiring Sam.
SAMANTHA
But it was baby steps. The first thing I decided to do was just go to the bodega. Where I live we have a bunch of small little shops, you know? They’re cute and usually run by this immigrant family that’s been here for generations. They all know me, and it’s no big deal.
OPAL
Did they recognize you?
SAMANTHA
No! And you know, nobody did. I’m used to walking down the street and having someone stop me for a selfie. None of that. I was just … walking. I went into the store and I was like “Huh. It’s been a while since I felt anonymous.” Though I’m not proud of what I did next.
(laughs).
OPAL
What did you do?
SAMANTHA
I wanted to see if .. you know … I’d get profiled. Black people are always talking about getting profiled, right? So I slipped a pack of gum into my purse.
OPAL
(beat)
You did what?
SAMANTHA
I’m not proud of it! But I wanted … just to test it. You know? See what would happen.
OPAL
Did you … did you get away with it?
SAMANTHA
So I went up the counter with my smoothie and a magazine. The guy at the counter looked me over, and just rang me up. He didn’t say anything. I don’t know if he saw me. I don’t know how he could have NOT seen me.
OPAL
Well, we have a surprise for you. He’s here.
SAMANTHA
What? No, you can’t be serious.
OPAL
We found the same guy and he’s in the audience. Aaron, where are you?
AARON
Over here!
OPAL
Can someone get him a mic? Thanks. Stand up Aaron, and everyone, a round of applause for Aaron for coming today.
AARON
Thanks Opal. Hi Sam. She and I know each other. She’s always in my store.
OPAL
Did you recognize her?
AARON
Not even a little. I did see her take the gum, but eh. It wasn’t a big deal.
SAMANTHA
I’m so sorry, Aaron (laughs). I won’t do it again. I hope we can be friends! Though I’d have totally understood if you called the cops on me.
AARON
Most of the people who come to my store know that they can ask me for credit, you know. There’s no need to steal anything if you can’t afford it. There’s a whole credit policy on a poster right next to the counter. Haven’t you seen it?
SAMANTHA
(beat)
I hadn’t seen it. To be honest, I never looked for it.
AARON
I’ve been in the neighborhood all my life. I know pretty much everyone who comes to my store and they know me. I see a stranger and I giveher the benefit of the doubt. What if she can’t help it? Do I want her to end up at the precinct because she’s got a slight klepto impulse for … chewing gum?
(long beat)
AARON cont.
(laughs nervously)
Everyone’s so quiet. I mean, if I don’t want something stolen, I keep it behind the counter.
(long beat)
It’s fine Sam. It really is.
OPAL
Thanks for coming in Aaron
SAMANTHA
Thanks Aaron.
OPAL
We have to take a break. We’ll be right back with more from Samantha Moore.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL
JAMIE
I was … scared. I didn’t really know what to do or where to turn. That’s when my doctor suggested Tenebra.
NARRATOR
Tenebra [Ten-eh-bra] is a new medication specifically designed to halt and reverse the effects of the Black Friday phenomenon. It targets the specific genes that activate, and returns them to normal.Talk to your doctor before taking Tenebra. Do not take Tenebra if-
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OPAL
We’re back with Samantha Moore and we’re talking about her new book on living with Black Friday. Is there anything unique you learned from your experience?
SAMANTHA
Well, I don’t want to give away too much from the book. But I came away from this experience with a better appreciation for what it’s like to be black in this country.
OPAL
I see.
In the end, you chose to take Tenebra though. Was living with the change something you considered?
SAMANTHA
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved when Tenebra came out. I mean, nothing bad happened to me for the year or so I lived under Black Friday. But it wasn’t easy. And you’ll see in the book that I had to overcome my own assumptions and other people’s assumptions every day.
OPAL
And you don’t mind being on Tenebra forever? Even with the potential side effects?
SAMANTHA
Yeah. I just … I can’t explain it. If there are side effects, then I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
OPAL
I suppose so, Sam. But even so …
(beat)
I mean, hopefully Tenebra is safe. Or they figure out how to handle the side effects. But wouldn’t it be better to wait and see if it can be improved? Or … I mean, what’s wrong with just living with the phenomenon’s change? Are the risks of Tenebra worth the asking price?
SAMANTHA
(beat)
None of us are going to live forever, and we’re all gonna die sometime, am I right? If folks want to live with the change, that’s up to them. I decided not to. I’m just … offering my experience. The side effects might scare some people but-
OPAL
Cancer is no joke.
SAMANTHA
It definitely isn’t. But that’s a choice each individual has to make for themselves. I made my choice.
OPAL
Thanks for coming in today, Sam.
My friend, Samantha Moore everyone! That’s it for the show today-
CUT
STATIC
STATIC RESOLVES to a past broadcast
NEWSREADER
We’ve had word from America that there is a
cure to this Black Friday phenomenon. A way
to undo the change.
PRODI
I have heard that as well.
NEWSREADER
What are your thoughts?
PRODI
I think it will make the problem much, much
worse.
NEWSREADER
Why do you say that?
PRODI
It’s just a feeling. Something in the
universe changed, and the Black Friday
phenomenon came to be. I think it was meant
to teach us something. This drug from
America may be how we finally learn our
les-